What is it like to be more people at the same time? Extremely confusing and tiring.
One person or part of me, I named Inka. And she loves coffee, sometimes all she thinks about is coffee. Another person in me I named Juni. And she doesn’t like coffee at all. And now every day I really strongly want coffee and really strongly don’t want coffee at the same time. But I am much more Juni now and Inka is fading away.
Juni loves french music. She loves this song very much.
I am really really excited about my move to Stockholm. I think about it all the time. I don’t know how it’s gonna go, but I am sure it will shape me a lot and I will meet Philip.
I have cut and dyed my hair! I felt a shift and a new part of me coming to the surfaces. During the quarantine, when I wasn’t working I started feeling tired. Then I let myself rest a bit more, but then I felt more tired. And eventually I felt tired each day and it was difficult to do chores or any activites. I didn’t feel like normal tiredness, more like falling into a dream more and more.
The new part, that I named Juni came up from time to time. And now, some weeks ago it flipped and I am always Juni.
I met people that live in Stockholm. ^^ I started talking with two people, one became a partner and the other became a friend to me.
My partner, he calls me June, he is a person like I never met before. Definitely very random and always looking for something fun to do. For some reason I am intrigued by him and I am kind of curious about what can come with him. Besides of being terrified.
And about my friend, he is good at calming me when I have bad feelings. He always speaks his mind and it is the best to laugh with him on the phone.
Many things are up with me!
1. I started working again. It feels great to be productive and feel like things are moving forward.
2. We are doing great with Noel. He is feeling much more relaxed, he can be himself. And we are figuring out more and more how to live in the same space. I let him out often to run around. And I plan to buy a harness so I can go out with him. He is healthy and he is eating well.
3. I have a name! This is my name: Inka Bege 🙂 Or, Bege Inka in Hungarian.
4. Not much is up with my ptsd. I think the abuse went on for longer, up till 10 years old maybe. I don’t really remember what was my life at that time.
I am understanding more the different parts I have, sometimes I feel like I’m 4 years old, almost 5. Sometimes I feel like I am around 8. Sometimes I feel extremely scared and vulnerable. Other times I feel like an amazon, who can fight anything.
I feel much much less dreamy and much less in my fantasies.
And one thing I experienced a lot lately was being extremely tired. Waking up and feeling very tired after just an hour. It was very hard to do anything on days like that.
A little hedgehog joined me. He is giving me company, cheering me up when I need it. Very cute.
I’m waiting for the quarantine to be over so I can work again. I feel like I found my place at the restaurant I worked at, Fruccola. So I hope to continue there or someplace similar. And to find a similar place with time in Sweden!
Omg I went to Stockholm!!
I stayed on a boat!! How cool is that. :O :O I walked a bit around in the city and I ate a really good vegetarian burger at a bar. It had games to play and cool music. And I saw these stickers at many bars and hostels.
The second day I put on dark lipstick because it seemed like a fun thing to do. And then went to the Modern Art Museum. Ahhh it was so good, I love modern art. And I really enjoyed seeing Swedish art. I think I like Swedish art a lot.
On the way to the Photography Museum, I saw posters and writings protesting for a cause. The whole time in Stockholm it felt like it is absolutely okay to tell your opinion.
At the Photography Museum. Many really talented artists! Really cool vibe! And at the end of the exhibition, there is a party. 😀
Soo beautiful. I loved the weather. Icy rain, wind. ^^ With a cup of Pressbyran coffee. The best.
Being at Centralbadet was amazing. I loved the design of the place. The bubble bath, swimming pool, many different sauna types. SO special, so nice.
Time to go home… Tack sa mycket Sweden!! Jag alskar dig Stockholm. Solo Female Travel!! ❤