What is up with me

what's up with me

Many things are up with me!

1. I started working again. It feels great to be productive and feel like things are moving forward.

2. We are doing great with Noel. He is feeling much more relaxed, he can be himself. And we are figuring out more and more how to live in the same space. I let him out often to run around. And I plan to buy a harness so I can go out with him. He is healthy and he is eating well.

3. I have a name! This is my name: Inka Bege 🙂 Or, Bege Inka in Hungarian.

4. Not much is up with my ptsd. I think the abuse went on for longer, up till 10 years old maybe. I don’t really remember what was my life at that time.
I am understanding more the different parts I have, sometimes I feel like I’m 4 years old, almost 5. Sometimes I feel like I am around 8. Sometimes I feel extremely scared and vulnerable. Other times I feel like an amazon, who can fight anything.
I feel much much less dreamy and much less in my fantasies.
And one thing I experienced a lot lately was being extremely tired. Waking up and feeling very tired after just an hour. It was very hard to do anything on days like that.

Noel

what's up with me

A little hedgehog joined me. He is giving me company, cheering me up when I need it. Very cute.

I’m waiting for the quarantine to be over so I can work again. I feel like I found my place at the restaurant I worked at, Fruccola. So I hope to continue there or someplace similar. And to find a similar place with time in Sweden!

Hej!

travel

Omg I went to Stockholm!!

I stayed on a boat!! How cool is that. :O :O  I walked a bit around in the city and I ate a really good vegetarian burger at a bar. It had games to play and cool music. And I saw these stickers at many bars and hostels.

The second day I put on dark lipstick because it seemed like a fun thing to do. And then went to the Modern Art Museum. Ahhh it was so good, I love modern art. And I really enjoyed seeing Swedish art. I think I like Swedish art a lot.

On the way to the Photography Museum, I saw posters and writings protesting for a cause. The whole time in Stockholm it felt like it is absolutely okay to tell your opinion.

At the Photography Museum. Many really talented artists! Really cool vibe! And at the end of the exhibition, there is a party. 😀

Soo beautiful. I loved the weather. Icy rain, wind. ^^ With a cup of Pressbyran coffee. The best.

Being at Centralbadet was amazing. I loved the design of the place. The bubble bath, swimming pool, many different sauna types. SO special, so nice.

Time to go home… Tack sa mycket Sweden!! Jag alskar dig Stockholm. Solo Female Travel!! ❤

what is my ptsd like these days + changes

CSA series, what's up with me

new memories: From time to time I get access to a little bit more information of the past. It is overwhelming. I feel a bit disoriented and confused… there is something I wasn’t aware of before and now I am.

suicidal days: I want to start by saying that I get help from professionals and friends too, so on these days I always have someone to contact. Usually, it lasts for a day or half a day and then it just stops.

flashbacks: Sometimes the flashbacks take me back to a feeling, hopelessness, fear, a feeling of being in a really bad situation. Sometimes it is like a ghost sensation. For example, feeling my throat closing or feeling that something is behind me.

problems with connecting: Many times I have trouble connecting with people at work or while spending time with friends. People naturally react to each other and I feel like I’m on a totally different wavelength.

New changes in my life! I switched to a different workplace. It is also in a kitchen. It is not a vegan place but there are vegan, vegetarian meals. It has a much better atmosphere and much better equipment.

Soon my plan is to visit Stockholm!! it will be so amazing

 

awesome, cool people who have been sexually abused or assaulted

CSA series

Just a few people I have thought about. They are absolutely awesome, love and respect to them. ❤

Edie Sedwick

How cool is she?! She invented a new style that was irresistible for so many people. She lived and enjoyed her life in such a free and wild way. I’m amazed by all of her accomplishments despite the tremendous amount of disadvantage and pain.

jeni.PNG

Jeni Haynes

The things she did mentally to survive the abuse she experienced is incredible, it’s almost like she has superpowers. And the fact that she has a will to enjoy her life after all that happened to her is nothing but applaudable. She has a Phd. and she won her court case.

Képtalálat a következőre: „lady gaga”

Lady Gaga

I love her song Till it happens to you and all of her efforts to support lgbtq+ people. I enjoy her songs and I admire her unique talent and dedication. My favorite songs are Born this way and Joanne.

I’m a vegan cook now :O :O :D

food, what's up with me

A few things changed in my life. 1/ I went vegan and 2/ I became a cook. It’s a lot of fun I think. It is hard work, especially physically and I feel like it requires a lot of skill and knowledge. I like that I feel free while doing it and I like that I do something I believe in, making tasty, healthy, quality food for people.

I make the sauces, fry tofu, tempeh, and vegetables. I put together the burgers, refill ingredients and do the labeling.